Thursday, 17 November 2011

Rude Boys.


I had a call from my friend yesterday. She was rather out of sorts and requested a small chat before work. A month or so ago she met a gentleman at a party, they had been on number of most agreeable dates together and had recently seen the more intimate side of the relationship blossom. It was fair to say she was quietly confident in the knowledge that she had met a young man whom she found attractive, shared interests with and 'had a third leg' quote unquote.

Last week however the fledgling relationship took a turn for the worst. She waited for 3 days and then for another 4 until before she could say 'Oh, bye then' it was 2 weeks later and she had heard nothing from him. Not a phone call, a text, not so much as a tweet. Bugger all.

I allowed a good 10 minutes for said friend to back track on the size of his dick and draw attention to his occasional drink induced erectile dysfunction before offering my advice, the essence of which was to forget him and move on. But it did get me thinking – whatever happened to manners?

Call me old fashioned but I still think that manners are a fairly decent attribute to have in ones personality. That if you take a girl out, and no longer wish to pursue the situation a polite thanks but no thanks is sufficient in sharing the news. God knows there are enough ways to let a girl down gently these days. Call her, text her, Facebook her, tweet one of her frigging followers and get them to pass on the message for Christ’s sake, just don’t be a coward; it’s ever so unbecoming.

If her ex-lover, let’s call him Houdini for the sake of argument, is in an intensive care unit in a coma then this post should be ignored and I wish him all the best and his family my condolences, but if he is well, indeed well enough to tweet about the difficulty of dragging is sorry arse to a 5 aside football game on Sunday morning after a night on the tiles, then surely this acts as evidence of his survival and therefore leaves him standing as a very rude man indeed.

My friend is not the first girl to be discarded so aggressively, and in the spirit of female comradery I’ll be the first to admit that even myself, a woman of outstanding wit, superior intelligent and breathtaking beauty has been dumped sans explanation.

And like my friend I too have had moments when I have found myself pondering the conundrum, something I said? Something I did? Something I wrote? Surely an online forum open to thousands of readers where I talk about anal sex, blow jobs, lesbian threesomes, gang bangs, golden showers, double headers, gimp masks and sex parties, wouldn’t be enough to damage my credentials as a suitable wife? I mean It’s hardly as if I expose my over enthusiastic stalking tendencies to the world…… hmmm.

That as it maybe and regardless of my inability to shut up and my over zealous enthusiasm for literature with a high sexual content, the point is rudeness just isn’t cool.

Gentleman we are not asking for a barber shop quartet to turn up at work and break the news to us, or a Shakespearean sonnet written on paper sprayed with the essence of woodland dew drops plucked fresh on a crisp winters morn delivered by carrier pigeon –

Wence we met I thought t’was forever, then something started to wane,

I’m not sure thou’st right as my lady nay that I should date you again.

Don’t take my rejection widst sadness, for truth, you be really quite sound,

I know that I said that I loved you but I’m not doneth with fucking around.

We talked about marriage and children; for I said you completed my life,

But actually after some thinking nay the last thing I want is a wife.

Sorry for wasting your time dear, but what’s 7 years wence so young?

Nay tweet me, nay text me, nay call me now that we’re over and done.

You’ll get over it sweetheart, I’ve moved on now and don’t give a fuck.

Fact be I am shagging your sister, much obliged, fare ye well and good luck.

Just a TEXT.

Sadly though it seems even this is too much and that a sorry fact of modern dating is that sometimes he’s just not into you and sometimes he’s a rude motherfucker to boot. It is also, as way of protecting our mental health, something that us communication obsessed women need to accept. A point of contact? A conversation? An acknowledgment of 27-year marriage?! How foolish we are.

I’m not in a position to change the deepest ingrained mentality of the male psyche but in my small way I would like to assist. Please allow me to enlighten you by telling you that a text or phone call while naturally leaving your girlfriend disappointed, will see her holding a grain of respect for you in that you were polite enough to let her know. Total silence however will leave her not only confused but thinking (and most likely telling 834 people on twitter and 321 friends on Facebook) what a total arsehole you are and how a couple of times you farted when you came and cried at a John Lewis advert once.

Men, you have balls. Might i suggest you start useing them.

11 comments:

  1. pmsl. If you are male, single and dating and likely to ever dump anyone ever again I urge you to print that little verse out and keep a copy on your person at all times. If anyone dumped me by giving me that I would be delighted and would think them a prince amongst men. Total result, she's dumped and quite possibly likes you more for how you dumped her than she did when you were dating her! Katy, ring someone at Hallmark and offer it to them!

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  2. HaHa glad you liked it, must admit i enjoyed writing it! oh but men were so chivalrous!

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  3. I FUCKING LOVE THIS POST!!!! It has happened to me numerous times and i've now learnt to accept that 'most' men DO NOT have balls - period x

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  4. Max from Cambridge18 November 2011 05:07

    I feel as if I must say something here. I admit in the distant past, I have used the ignoring tactic, and whilst being cowardly, it is in it's own way, politer than saying your stretch marks were a real passion killer and I lose my hard-on every time I see your stomach!
    So I have to agree that honesty is the best policy going forward.
    I would have loved to have gone on more dates with a certain lady, especially knowing her sexual proclivities, but do you know what, I don't think I could have kept up with her! Her lifestyle was different from mine, but I told her that and she appreciated it. I could have stayed on for a few dates, got my various ends away in different positions, (not too complicated though as she does not like that it seems!)and then said not for me but that would not have been fair on her or me!
    So man up and send the bloody woman a text....

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  5. Brilliant! I wish I had seen this before! Ignorance can be really awful, especially when you're already feeling fragile after a break-up.
    Men are strange beings ;)

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  6. Max i love you, and yes you're technique was faultless ; )

    Little.. agreed! very strange indeed!

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  7. I agree with this post completely. I hate how you can go on a few dates, think everything is hunky dory and see neither hide nor hair of him again. A simple text would suffice, and would save me thinking about it. I'm fine if someone says 'thanks but no thanks', but I think just disappearing and not telling me at all is rude.

    Sarah
    xo

    www.almostdelightful.com

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  8. quite! so unnecessary and so male lol

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  9. Completely agree. Most men are fucking gutless when it comes to dumping. Great post Katy xx

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  10. Totally! I remember when I was dating you'd get ridiculous mixed messages, they'd be super keen and disappear. And you'd do that thing where you think hmmmmm maybe he's just really busy, dead, has lost his phone. Fact is, if he was really keen he would find a way. Once I accepted that it opened my eyes. Completely agree manners are non existent.
    In the words of Velma Kelly, 'whatever happened to class?'

    Dawniepants

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  11. quite, it will remain one of the mysteries of modern life, have given up trying to work it out!

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