This time of year is famous for being on the less exciting scale of the calender. I have managed to get through dreaded dry January reasonably unscathed and as humanly un-dry as possible. Winter, in this country, should be celebrated for no other reason than that, excess weight and dimply thighs can at least be part disguised with a pair of 20 deniers, skinny jeans and knee high socks.
February is a month almost as feared as it’s predecessor. Except, perhaps, that during this month, it is a relief to know that we can all stop pretending to be deep cleansing our souls, openly admit to far exceeding the recommended daily amounts of alcohol units and accept that the idea of going to the gym before work is far more appealing than actually going to the gym before work.
There is, of course, the much celebrated Valentine’s Day to look forward to. A day in which we are all reminded that, at some point in the near future, we will be expected to disrobe for a significant other in exchange for an over priced dinner, a cheap bottle of wine and a 5 man Lithuanian singing troupe, serenading an Elton John ballad 3 inches from our face while trying to flog us a single rose for a tenner. Who said romance was dead.
Fortunately, this year, my significant other will be away. I sensed he was slightly reluctant to break the news to me that a three day business trip to central Europe took priority over whispering sweet nothings into my ear at an over-booked, over-priced pizzeria in central London and I, in turn, did my utmost to reassure him that, fortunately, I am not a lady who dwells on events such as February 14th, and that he has my home address, should he feel like using it.
Any men that find themselves in similar such unfortunate circumstances this year will be relieved to know that the majority of UK based florists now accept credit card payments from abroad. Valentine’s Day is not about money. It is about flowers ... and diamond earrings ... hey, worth a try.
As luck would have it, and on that note (the florists, not the diamond earrings, sadly). I came across a website committed to this very cause. Serenata Flowers A site dedicating itself entirely to ensuring that, when returning from said business trip/boys weekend/escape from every couple together for longer than 3 months staring into each other's eyes, you will not only still have a significant other to speak of but that you may actually find yourself rewarded greatly for your efforts. Nothing, after all, says ‘let’s get naked’ like 24 red roses.
And nothing says, ‘Lie down and prepare yourself for the blowjob of your life’ like 3 gift wrapped bottles of Pinot Grigiot from the very same florists. Men, a lesson. If in doubt, buy wine. Not only will your beloved think you the perfect boyfriend for planning such an unexpected surprise on the ‘most romantic day of the year’ but she’ll, more than likely, declare her undying love to you and suggest a threesome with her best friend. What’s not to love?
There are subtle ways to hint to your boyfriend that he remembers Valentine’s Day, despite being in another country, and there are blog posts and reminders to over 2000 twitter followers that should he forget the day, he might want to think about extending his business trip until the following year. Just a though.
Failing that there is always a teddy bear carrying a love heart ... I hear New Zealand is nice this time of year.
Fancy winning a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Serenata Flowers for the person you love/quite like/want to have sex with/have cheated on and have some serious making up to do? Or, even better, want to treat your-fabulous-self on St Val’s?
Either comment 'ME!' Below or DM at @katy_red. Winner to be chosen at random before 7th February.