Crazy Bitches.

I was having a discussion with a friend this afternoon. He was telling me about a recent relationship he had had with a women. They met online and, by all accounts, she sounded like a kind and considerate lady friend. She enjoyed cooking him hearty fare on cold winter nights, sending him regular ‘love’ texts and giving him plenty of space to see his friends whenever he wished. Despite not being wildly adventurous in the bedroom she ‘wasn’t a bad shag’ either, she preferred to discuss things rationally when they disagreed and valued his opinion when they didn’t see eye to eye. 

As means of reward for her kind ways, the friend in question, decided not to reciprocate in equal measure but ... to dump her. 

It turns out that that quite nice is too nice and very nice, a sackable offence. 

Despite being adamant that his ‘days of dating psychos’ were far behind him, he couldn’t deny that being a bit bonkers can go a long way and that, occasionally, he liked a bit of crazy. 

I was intrigued by his sudden disinterest in the relationship and, interested in the subject of psychotic bitches, decided to research the area further.

The results were consistent. A man who likes mental does so for a number of reasons. 

He is bored and wants the drama.

He is stressed and wants the drama to detract from his drama.

He has commitment issues and wants the drama.

He wants to be the drama.

He wants to fuck his mother (who, I’d guess, was a drama.)

Its a tricky one to call. Just as some women are attracted to arseholes and will spend the best part of their adult life jumping from one crappy relationship to another, so too, certain men find comfort in being with women who are likely to come at them with a carving knife for thanking a waitress for a bill. Why, after all, have a balanced adult relationship, when you could have a dead bunny on your hob and 76 voicemail messages on your mobile every time you nip down the local for a swift half.

My advice is this. If, indeed, you must enter into relationships that are likely to give you a 4 year long splitting headache, a fear of sharp kitchen utensils and for the longevity of your penis being attached to your body, recognise this much. There is a difference between a raving, spoilt, jealous, angst ridden, selfish lunatic and a women who knows her own mind, who won’t cook you ‘hearty meals’ and will tell you, politely, to piss off, when you ask her to pick you up from the pub at 3 in the morning. One is good, to be encouraged and nurtured (Come now, who doesn’t love a good row from time to time?) The other, to be avoided at all costs. Unless of course you want crazy dates, a crazy relationship, a crazy marriage and a crazy wife who gives you lots of crazy children who also scream at you at half past two on a Monday morning for no reason whatsoever and scratch ‘lying fucker’ into the bonnet of your car because you didn’t answer your phone within 3 rings, in which case crack on, happy days. 

The trick is in the balance. No one wants a pleaser, a woman so concerned with making you happy and keeping the peace that she begins to resemble a silent smiling growth on the side of your head but, by the same token, you will find that, actively seeking out a women, possessed by the devil inside, is unlikely to make you particularly fulfilled either. 

The good news is that, there is a happy medium. Why, under every seemingly sane and calm women there lies a little bit of crazy just waiting to get out ... She's just saving it for a special occasion. 

Still waters run deep, don't say I didn't warn you.