Keeping it Clean.

It must be said, there are no great benefits to getting older. Aside from being able to buy fags without ID and being able to sit in a pub rather than a bus shelter in order to get pissed, the sad fact is that, generally speaking, one is probably better off with a few years knocked off. 

However, one over riding joy to getting older is not giving a flying crap about most things in life. I find that, as the years pass, my concern of other’s opinions grow mercifully less and less important. You might notice, by way of example, that whereas writing about bad sex, anal sex, female ejaculation and penile malfunctions might have made me blush in the past, now I take great pleasure in discussing various worldly ailments, problems and general sexual curiosities in view of a full audience. And, what, after all, could be more fabulous about aging than being able to litter your everyday sentences with inappropriate obscenities without fear of condemnation.

 Cunt ... you see, not so much as a turned head. 

Indeed, there are not many subjects, or products, that I struggle to write about. That was, until I was asked to consider arse wipes as a topic. A tough call. Unless, of course, you are really into anal sex, have been eating street food in Bangkok recently or count coprophilia as one of your top 10 things to do on the weekend (yes, it’s as bad as it sounds). 

So, after being approached by Andrex Washlets to review their new product I was a little skeptical about the angle I would take in order to push the brand as much as I could. 

Having not had food poisoning recently, be particularly prone to coprophilia or wanting to disclose my anal preferences to 2000 twitter followers quite yet, I wasn’t sure exactly how best I could promote wet toilet paper. (Note to all marketing agencies : there is NO sexy way to sell wet bog roll.) 

Saying that, with a little help from Dawn Porter, (sequin dress clad sitting on the loo, oh, to be a fly on the wall on that brain storming session.) Andrex have done thier best to sex up wet wipes. and who couldn’t be all over a tag line like this ... 

"We know it might be a bit strange at first – they probably feel a bit wet, a bit cold, and a bit weird? But once you’ve used a whole pack we hope you’ll find there’s no going back – just as Dawn has!"

I’m wiping my arse, people, not having sex with a Labrador in Siberia.

Saying that, as arse wiping goes Andrex washlets makes it a reasonably pleasant experience, especially in a Camden boozer at half one in the morning, when it’s a choice between them and an empty packet of Steak and Mustard McCoy's. 

They are handy, discreet and will make your arsehole smell like lemons. What’s not to love? 

To celebrate the Clean Campaign and to help you feel fresh this winter, Andrex® Washlets is offering one lucky reader the chance to win a fabulous gift set compete with Space NK luxury hand cream set, hair brush, lip balm, deodorant and dry shampoo.

To enter simply tweet/facebook or comment 'Gimme some fresh' below. 
Winner to be chosen at random by 20th Feb.

And if you love your arse and think it's best served clean check them out ... they smell better than crisps.

https://www.facebook.com/cleancampaign