Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Cheatin' Hearts.


I was browsing through a daily paper this morning. Not particularly high brow in it’s content, I'll admit, but quite entertaining in it’s social/political commentary, nevertheless. I stumbled across an article, as I enjoyed my Soya Latte, about a women who was considering leaving her husband over an affair he had 15 years ago. Correction, a one night stand. 

The advice supplied was fair, encouraging ‘devastated from Weybridge’  to think carefully before throwing the un-named philanderer out. It suggesting they sit down for lengthy discussion, perhaps considered a period of counselling to go through their issue, or a temporary separation in order to regain some kind of perspective on the situation. She was reassured that trust would return and he was clearly, by way of tears on admission, regretful of his sins and past indescrepencies. 

I considered this dilemma. A seemingly stable and happy marriage potentially ripped apart over a one night stand a decade and a half ago. Now, not to suggest that I think it is fair and proper practise for men, or women for that matter, to spend their weekends shagging the first willing volunteer but really? 15 years ago to shit over a one night stand? 

Here's the thing, which ever way you dress it up, when it comes to available vagina's, most men (yes, I’m generalising, so shoot me) don’t need much persuading. I’d like to say this was only in cases where they were unlikely to be discovered, however, one only has to look at numerous high profile celebrities to see that, when it comes to a vajazzled beaver, the owner could have ‘I'm an undercover reporter for the News of the World’ tattooed on their forehead and they’d still attempt to stick it up there after a few vodkas.


Nothing amuses me more than the shock! The horror! When somebody in the public eye gets caught with their trousers down, the utter grief and fury when a person strays from home. And yes I have been cheated on. Did I like it? No. Did I end the relationship? No. I rolled my eyes at the predictability of the male libido, shouted a bit and lost a fair amount of respect for that person. I did, however, ended the relationship a few months later, because he lost his job, developed premature ejaculation, and cried in front of me on several occasions but that’s for another day, sweet readers. 

So, it is my opinion, that in these sorry situations the most important thing to remember is that men, the majority of, are wild penis driven sex beasts. Crazy fuckards! Insane dick thinking fanny pokers!. Why, these men shouldn’t be scolded they should be pitied! Imagine a brain between your legs, driving you forward every wanking, ahem ... apologies, waking moment, how very trying. 

A man having a one night stand 15 years ago does not mean he doesn’t love his wife (Dear god, 15 years... I mean honestly, who does that!?) It means he had a foolish, regrettable moment, he can be selfish, thoughtless and human (and can keep a blinding secret ... 15 years!) 

My opinions would vary if the man in question had been having an ongoing affair for that many years. Had he sober and with full knowledge of his actions, betrayed his partner and enjoyed extra marital sexual relations on a long term basis.
But he didn’t. He had a wasted shag with an available vagina that found him on a bad/drunk day. It’s shit, yes, but it happens.  

More regretful, however, is that he actually admitted his mistake in the first place. Poor misguided fool.

 Newsflash honey, 15 years? you got away with it. 

 Fellas, you want some advice? if you can’t keep your dick in your trousers,  keep your tongue in your mouth. Either that, or think of something more interesting to do with it than fess up ... after all, isn't that what got you into this mess in the first place.

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